Telly day

I’m dying. My illness has been hasn’t been helped by the Girlf leaving the window open all night. Her comfort apparently out-weighed mine. I didn’t know it was open, I assumed it was shut. After all I had constantly text her all night from work telling her how ill I was. I didn’t think she’d have a window open on me when I went to bed. I actually thought I was getting worse as the night progressed. You’d assume my protestations of how cold it was would have spurred her onto her feet to close it.
But no, she just left me to shiver all night long. What a selfish bitch. To compound my discomfort she’s picked today to come on. So now I can’t even enjoy an ill-day moan-a-thon as she’ll deflect my pains with her own bleating about stomach cramps, hormonal overloads and the suchlike. All this and it’s my birthday tomorrow. Happy birthday me.
I’ve done my best to get a little service before she went to work. I had her running around fetching me water, vapor rub and Night nurse, intent on making her work for the window incident. To be fair to her she did get me all those things and only moaned quietly about man-flu under her breath. When she gets home, though, I will be getting my moneys worth. I expect dinner and plenty of pampering. It would be great if she has a little tidy-up as well because I’m not doing shit today. I’m ensconced on the sofa under a duvet and I have no intention of moving.
I’ve double dosed on Night nurse so I fully expect to be nodding off like a smack head in the next couple of hours. I do enjoy the Night nurse nod, it creeps up on you. You think oh, I’ll just lie down for a second because that’ll make me more comfortable then, bang, you’re gone. Very, very nice. There’s nothing wrong with a drug induced nap every now and again.
The Eldest is watching Glee so that’ll send me off into slumber. She’s probably the cause of my malaise, she been rough for a couple days. Well, rougher than usual anyway. I’ve been assured she’s lost her voice and so far so good, she’s barely spoken. It’s the little things you need to be thankful for. She does occasionally rasp at me but I can handle it, just about, and she keeps shushing me for every mediocre cover in the show but it’s the coughing that’s doing my head in. That forced, exaggerated, teen cough. Disgusting.
Their voices are definitely enhanced and I’m sure over exposure to this programme can result in homosexuality. These plot lines are actually atrocious. They make Eastenders seem believable. If I don’t put my foot down all I get is Glee, Skins, Grand designs and Fat Families. Fat Families has got to be the worse. An entire hour of fat people crying because they’re fat. Sixty minutes of self hating, self enabling kinship units, chugging down the calories by the tens of thousands and wondering why they’re so big. I could tell them.
I’ve never liked Skins, being neither a kid nor a pedophile. I always find myself agreeing with their parents and wishing national service on them. I understand it’s not aimed at me but still, utter balderdash. Youth telly always brings out my inner Thatcher. Five minutes of either Skins or Glee and I’m calling for the reinstatement of the birch. There’s nothing wrong with these kids that a good whipping wouldn’t cure. Two songs in and I’m wishing I lived in Iran. Sharia law was devised for these cunts.
The coughing and the Britney Spears episode is beginning to bite. My man brain wasn’t designed to cope with this. I can feel it melting. Pretty soon it’s going to start leaking out of my ears. My constitution can’t deal with this today. I’m going to have to reclaim the telly. What I need is some History channel or maybe Discovery. What I need is an hour of biblical battles or perhaps an in-depth explanation of the smelting process of steel. Man telly, it’s universal, the other day I caught my dad watching a programme on the manufacture of Wellington boots.
Ah, I have the Roman invasion of Briton in ten minutes. Nice, I’ll have to go get some provisions and bed down for the duration. Sooner or later the meds are going to kick in and I want to be completely comfortable when they do.