Xfactor

Rage against the machine (RATM) are currently in the lead for the Christmas number one. Simon Cowell is squirming and twisted about it. How dare anyone challenge his right for the for the Christmas top spot? It’s not about him you understand it’s not fair on little Jo. We’re trampling all over his dreams by cynically ganging up and choosing to buy a different download.
Shame on us, shame on us all.
I love the Rage campaign it’s what the internet was invented for. A mass group movement to upset the received order. It’s great isn’t it?
The reality is that the Christmas number one is the only guaranteed success any Xfactor winner can hope for. A career is not assured. Little Jo, bless him, could get dropped at anytime by Simon. If he isn’t good enough he’s gone. This isn’t actually strictly true. If he isn’t popular enough he’s gone.
Simon will not suffer failure.
Xfactor winners have hit and miss careers. The last couple seem to be doing well. Leona’s is doing great with her amazing voice and her horse face. Although what the hell were they thinking giving her an Oasis song to sing on Sunday? It just made you wish you were listening to Oasis.
Then there’s that Alex girl. A hit single and celebrity lovers too boot. Alex has arrived. Shame about her twisted, jealous mother.
Other’s have not been so lucky. Steve Brookstein for instance. It seemed he got taken around the back of the studio and shot immediately after the final.
Michelle McManus, what the hell happened to her? After she got the bless her she’s fat vote all her fans totally forgot to buy her album.
You will have your moment in the sun and in theory your Christmas number one after that you have to stand on your own two feet.
It can be very, very short lived.
There is a very good reason for this. Few of the people who appear on Xfactor are actually any good. They’re so so average. Nothing amazing, nothing exceptional. Had they any they wouldn’t know what to do with the artistic control.
Just pleased to be involved aren’t they?
We seemed to be amazed by ordinary people who can kind of sing. The SuBo phenomenon was a perfect example of this. Old, mad, ugly Scottish woman, not a bad voice. We were knocked of our feet weren’t we? She can sing! With that face!
Shocking.
Susan Boyle (bless) isn’t actually that good. It was a definitive example of an amateur performance. It started strong, sagged in the middle and wimped out a bit at the end.
If you want proof of this juxtapose SuBo with an actual professional performing I dreamed a dream. Youtube I dreamed a dream 10th anniversary that one is a corker. There is a world of difference between a plucky amateur with a nice voice and a professional who sings for a living. I’m serious youtube it is an amazing performance.
Cynical the RATM campaign may be but Xfactor is a cynical format. Every year dozens of competent singers never make it through the first audition, not because they can’t sing but because they just aren’t telly friendly. They don’t generate empathy in the audience. You’re better off having an ok voice and some hardship in your life.
Then there are the people who aren’t at all good but get through anyway. Simon Cowell knows some people will have to be lost throughout the run so it makes sense to have some shit in there to jettison in the early and middle stages.
This year Simon loved Danyl however when it was becoming apparent that no-one else did he switched his efforts to Ollie. What’s the point in pushing Danyl to win if no-one’s going to buy the record. Danyl fucked himself when he admitted being bi-sexual. Nothing puts the mums off quicker than a bum boy.
So now we’re left with Jo. Nice kid, good voice but who’s going to buy the records? Who’s going to buy them in the long run? He’s very young and little girls aren’t going to find him JLS sexy are they? Maybe the grannies but long term I can’t see it. I can’t see him lasting.
Maybe the Christmas number one is all Jo can really hope for and now that looks in serious jeopardy. Nearly eight hundred thousand people have joined the RATM for Christmas no1 facebook group. If they all buy Killing in the name it will be the Christmas number one and Jo will be an also ran.
So we have the choice, a twenty year old middle class teen rebellion song or little Jo singing a Miley Cyrus cover. I know which one I would rather have because it would be funny and Top of the pops always has the sing-a-long lyrics on the red button.
Come on everyone, sing along.
Fuck you, I won’t do what you tell me.