Baby names

Yet another one of my friends is about become a father. That’s four new arrivals next year. Four new Greek babies will be unleashed on Weston. Four curly haired, chocolaty eyed cherubs.
There’s nothing cuter than a Greek baby. We’re born in proportion there’s none of that big head, northern European thing going on. Just multilingual lushness.
With your impending bundle of joy imminent you’re faced with the dilemma of the name.
‘The first gift you give your child is their name.’
That’s right. Justify your website.
It’s a difficult one isn’t it? The name you give them is for life. You’re branding your child. Of course they could change it in adulthood but it always seems to be the weirdest people that do that.
‘I’ve always felt like an Angelica.’
Have you? Have you really?
I think you should be stuck with your name. It’s pretty much the most personal thing about someone and I think it only fitting that someone else chooses it for you. You grow into it.
I love being a Stellios. I’ve only met four in my life. I am the only Stellios Diakou in the world (according to facebook but quite frankly I’ll take that thank you). You have to say it two or three times to some people before they get it. Sticks in the mind. I like that.
When I started school the conversation kinda went like this;
‘What’s his name?’
‘Stellios.’
‘Ok. What do you want us to call him?’
‘Stellios.’
‘No I mean what’s his name in English?’
‘Stellios.’
‘Can’t we call him Steve?’
‘No. It’s not his name.’
‘Oh...’
‘His name is Stellios.’
That’s right mum. You tell them.
Fair play to my mother she didn’t like my name at the start but I suppose daily use got her used to it.
Stellakis, Stilli, Stillianos that’s right. Fuck all of you.
One day I will be faced with the problem of naming my own children. If this was just up to me it wouldn’t be a problem but clearly somewhere down the line they’ll be a woman with her own ideas.
My children will have Greek names. No son of mine will be called Kieran. It ain’t going to happen. Traditionally I should name my first boy after my father but, well, I don’t like his name. Ironically I like the female version on a girl. Thimidrou.
The Girlf isn’t having this. Gallingly she isn’t having my mum’s name either and throws in alternatives that seem to be thinly veiled wind ups. Prudence, Violet, please.
The big thing with the Girlf is the abbreviation or what the name rhymes with thus limiting play ground piss taking. I find this ridiculous. Am I going to raise children so weak that I bit of childish banter is going to ruin them? I hope not.
I want a classic Greek name and I make no apologies that they’re all boys names (if I can’t name my girl after my mum I’m out of ideas to be honest).
The Girlf wants a Leo. Very popular name nowadays but no son of mine is being called Leonardo. It’s the definitive hairdresser’s name. I’m not having it and it’s Italian for fucks sake.
The compromise is Leonides (Li-o-ni-dis in the Greek and the Greek pronunciation is very important to me).
That is a proper Greek name. She can call him Leo all she wants I’ll be calling him Leonides.
‘You can’t really call a baby Plato can you...?’
O you can darling. You certainly can. There aren’t enough Plato’s around in this day and age.
Personally I prefer Socrates (So-gra-dis). That’s a proper name.
‘What does your name mean?’
‘Well he was the first proponent of free speech in history.’
A little more gravitas than it means peace in Hindu don’t you think?
Staying with the S’s there’s Sophocles (So-fa-cli).
The inventor of the second actor in theatre. No pressure son.
I also like Menalaus but being a complete girl she likes Paris. She would wouldn’t she?
It being a two person decision there’s a massive element of sucking it up and listening to crap.
‘Why don’t we call him Leo-NAR-das?’
Because it’s not a fucking name is it? It’s a word you’ve made up.
Believe me I hate Prudence (we can call her Pru) but Prudence is a God send compared to the first suggestion which was, wait for it, River-Song.
That’s right, meet my daughter River-Song.
Silence.
Why don’t we just call her Amethyst-Woodstock and be done with it?
I like traditional, classical names. I don’t want to make a name up. I don’t want to play with the name or the spelling.
I love the name Catherine I love the name Jennifer. I want my kids to have names with three syllables. Don’t ask me why it just sounds right to me. A three syllable name takes that little bit more effort to pronounce. I like that. It’s a mini journey for the tongue. You can keep your Ki’s and your Mia’s. They’re not names, they’re audible squeaks. There's no effort what-so-ever.
I real name has to have three syllables.
Except my mum’s.
Because that’s my mum’s.