Quarter past twelve and I’m around the Girlf’s. The Woman’s. Mmm. The day hasn’t started well. The Girlf rang me half an hour ago. Every day for the last year I’ve woken up and text her a ‘morning gorgeous’ yet today, even though no such text was forthcoming she assumed I was awake. Bearing in mind she knew I was up until half three blogging.
This woman is phenomenally intelligent but it’s galling that she can slip straight into dumb woman mode at the slightest provocation.
So I’m awake, ranting and when I calm down I ask her what she wants.
‘O nothing. I just wanted to see if you were awake.’
Well I fucking am now aren’t I!
I continue my rant and throw in a few insults then I tell her I’m going to have a shower...with the door open.
She informs me that I clearly want a slap
So here I am listening to Five Live on my laptop because there isn’t a TV control. There’s never a TV control. Even the rare occasions that there is a TV control the batteries are missing because there is only one set of batteries to go around.
Of course none of the controls have backs on them so if there are no batteries they may simply be lost not otherwise appropriated. The Girlf spends about thirty pounds a week on chocolates and cakes and other confectionaries but when she is shopping at Morrison’s for these things she always neglects to buy dustbin liners, washing up liquid (the current one is half a bottle brought around from mine at short notice) and of course bloody batteries. If you’re in the mood for chocolate covered cornflakes or Pringles you’re laughing however if you fancy throwing the rubbish out, washing up and maybe watching a bit of telly you’re fucked.
Five Live is pretty good though today. There was a short piece on prostitution and it’s still all OUR fault. See prostitution is a very bad thing but the prostitutes, of course, aren’t bad people it’s just all those horrible men creating a demand. The bastards.
There was a male escort on who told everyone to shut up. He loves his job, he hadn’t been coerced into it. He just loves doing it. It suits his high sex drive. He’s won awards for his work, it pays well and he has plenty of free time.
I’ve considered it myself but funnily the Girlf objects.
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